Last night I met a tired and weary soul at a local charity event. We struck up a conversation after I helped her pick up some papers she had accidentally dropped on the floor. She said she was volunteering at the event, and several other charity events over the next few weeks, because she didn’t really have anywhere else to be for the holidays. Details aside, she basically told me she struggles with a lack of healthy relationships, a lack of self-confidence, and a lack of purpose in her life.
I consoled her as best I could during our 10-minute conversation, and assured her that the volunteer work she’s doing is making a difference. Then we hugged and I handed her my business card before departing. Hopefully she reaches out to me, because there’s so much more I’d like to share with her. I know what it’s like to feel tired and weary, to feel down and depressed, to have no one to talk to. I have desperately struggled with anxiety and self-confidence issues numerous times in the past.
So I’m writing this short post for her, and all my fellow souls out there who are tired and weary and struggling to find happiness today.
You are struggling, maybe even heartbroken, and this state of being is hard to deal with. It can feel lonely, draining, and even downright hopeless sometimes.
How do you motivate yourself when you feel defeated? How do you heal when you have little hope? How do you connect with others when you don’t feel the self-confidence needed to put yourself out there?
I know you want answers. And I’m so sorry you’re struggling and hurting inside. But please know that you are not alone. It might feel like you are, but you’re not. I, for one, am with you because I’m thinking of you right this very moment. I’m with you because I too have agonized and ached in very similar ways. We have shared feelings of exhaustion, uncertainty, anxiety, heartbreak, loneliness, and hopelessness.
Yes, I am deeply connected to you, and my heart is filled with compassion for you.
And it’s not just me who understands what you’re going through either – every living, breathing human being on this planet has felt similar feelings at some point. We are all going through life’s struggles together – we are connected through our shared adversity. We may feel alone on the inside, but in our inner loneliness, again, we are connected.
Truth be told, the feeling of being broken and alone, cut off from the rest of society, is a delusion. Sure, it’s a delusion that feels real. But it’s not, I assure you.
Questions to Turn Your Day Around
While I can’t dissolve all your pain in an instant, I can offer you a few perspective-shifting questions and annotations that have helped me get through some of the toughest days of my life. Angel and I have also subsequently used these questions and annotations in different coaching exercises to assist our course students with mentally overcoming various forms of suffering.
1. What expectations about the past are you still (hopelessly) holding on to today?
In general, letting go of your expectations is almost always a good idea. If you have few expectations etched in stone, you will rarely be devastated by disappointment. Of course, it may be tremendously hard to let go of certain expectations. Because you still expect your personal values to be respected, you don’t expect to get a debilitating illness, and you may even expect that most people mean well. Still, the more expectations you can let go of today, the better.
